When I was a little girl, I told my father “Daddy, I’ll never change my name.” I felt bad about him not having a son to carry on our awesome, made-up-at-Ellis-Island last name. Dad hugged me, I remember. I think he remained silent or said something like “Oh, honey.”
By the time I was a teenager, I panicked. Changing one’s name was what women did when one got married, right? Could I break my promise to Dad? Would he care?
Some do. At least it’s a choice now. But some people are making other choices that make me strain my side-eye muscles.
Sonia Maria Kubica and Joseph Balthazar Simões were married Friday aboard the Red Witch, a schooner out of the Port of Chicago on Lake Michigan. Rebecca Ryan, who owns the company for which the groom works and who is also a Universal Life minister, officiated.
The bride, who is 35 and the daughter of M. Alice Kubica and Stuart A. Polivka of Whitefish Bay, Wis., will be known as Ms. Simões, the maiden name of her mother, who was born in Portugal.
The groom, who is 32 and known as Balthazar, is a son of Diane M. Schmitz of Plover, Wis., and Virgil A. Schneider of Lancaster, Wis. Last December, he legally changed his last name to Simões, partly because of his love of Portuguese culture, he said, and partly to streamline the bride’s adopting of the surname Simões, allowing it to happen by marriage.
In this case, I suppose I should applaud the groom’s progressive attitudes but instead I wonder if he’s running from the law, or trying to anger his entire paternal line.
The bridegroom, 27, is taking his wife’s name. He is pursuing a doctorate in economics at Princeton. He graduated magna cum laude from Yale.
What do you think? If I get married someday, I don’t think I’ll change my name (but I’d also have no problem if someone referred to me as Mrs. Soandso socially).
Men, do you care if the woman you marry doesn’t change her name?
Women, is your mind made up one way or another? If not, what factors influence your thought process?
Updated to add a link to this blog post by Joanna Goddard/A Cup of Jo.