Category Archives: Life stories

A weekend in the Berkshires

One of the kindnesses I referenced here was a trip out of town with my friend Julie.

Julie

It was my first time visiting the Berkshires and the trip could not have been better: great company, wonderful food, terrific music, perfect weather, a good amount of wine – and even a celebrity sighting!

Wheatleigh

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Things I learned while grieving

Tomorrow will mark one month since my dear, sweet, wonderful Dad died. I’m doing OK, but it still sucks. I still cry. I still feel sad and awful and shocked that the world keeps turning without Dad present.

But I am also starting to manage to not cry every time I see a pic of Dad or think of him. Weirdly, I feel a teensy bit guilty for not grieving 24/7. That’s normal and OK too. Grief is weird and non-linear and unpredictable.

flowers Having survived this summer myself, I’m feeling kind of expert-y about grief (not really) and though I’d share a few things I learned in the process. If you have anything you’d add, please share in the comments.

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The book I hated the most

Have you ever HATED a book? You know from past posts that I have.

via Amazon

But the first book I can remember ever truly feeling mad about came much earlier in life.

Thanks to an October birthday and my elementary school’s rules for kindergarten enrollment, I was one of the youngest members of my class throughout my education. As a result, I was always among the smallest in stature, but my personality was pretty large. I was a pure extrovert. Continue reading

Sometimes people are incredibly kind

Friday, July 17, 2015

My father died at 2 am. It is 10 am and I am already back in Northeastern PA at my parents’ mother’s house. Everything is terrible. Nothing is comfortable. It’s easily one of the top five worst days of my life (and at least two of the others happened in the days just prior).

Compounding the misery, I don’t really have much to wear. I left NYC for Philly straight from a work meeting on Monday, with just the clothes on my back. There are a few t-shirts and stuff in the drawers of the dresser in my childhood bedroom, but not much else. Katie kindly brought me a suitcase with some clothes on Tuesday, but I have already worn everything in it–other than the lacy yellow thong I found mixed in.*

This is how I ended up dressed like this in a J Crew factory store.

Lolla

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Kitten therapy

I take a deep breath as I open the door.

“Will they think I’m a creep?” I worry. Jeez, I hope not.

Because I’m going in anyway.

“Careful,” I think. “Don’t push the door too hard or too wide.”

I can see that today there are a few little ones running free, drinking from a fountain and playing with toys.

Here I am again at PS9 Pets, a store in my neighborhood that also finds homes for cats and kittens.

cat tux

I’m not stopping in to get a pet. Or to buy supplies for a pet I don’t have.

I’m just here to look at sleeping kittens and playing kittens. I’ll take pics of the lil cuties and show them to my friends who might take one home.

cat black

And if someone suggests it, YES I WILL CUDDLE A KITTEN. Because this is my therapy: kitten therapy.

https://instagram.com/p/5kbuH-jkfx/?taken-by=ps9pets

I’ve been really sad of late, and for obvious, real reasons. I miss my dad.

Right now, the sweetness of a kitten trumps my allergies. And it’s preferable to crying.

If anyone from PS9 reads this, thank you for tolerating me.

My IQ has dropped by 20 points. Maybe 30.

If one of you made me a shirt that said “MY DAD DIED AND I AM A MESS” please know that I would wear it. Perhaps daily.

Such a shirt would save me from having to say those horrible-but-true words aloud, and let people know why my brain is really not working like it normally does.

Via Polyvore and Marc by Marc Jacobs

Perhaps this shirt would work just as well.

I’m serious though. During my sweet Dad’s last days and now, I have been making crazy errors, like booking a flight for the wrong day (by two whole weeks!). And I need to read things, like, four times to get the point.

Is this normal? Will I ever bounce back?


I promise that someday my blog won’t be exclusively about grief and death and sad things. But right now these are pretty much the only thoughts in my head and I really need to share them with anyone willing to listen. Thank you for your patience.

My first post about Life After Dad

My worst fears came true: my sweet, kind gentleman of a Dad died on Friday, July 17.

I have so many thoughts and feelings on this sad time, but need a little time to pull myself together and get my life back in order. Dad spent most of the last five weeks of his life in a Philadelphia hospital so much of my non-family life has been on hold. And I wouldn’t change a thing (except, of course, if I could strike a deal to have Dad back and healthy).

Dad dimples

For the time being, here’s a pic of my father that I love, as well as the text of the eulogy I gave for him at his funeral today. Continue reading