Tag Archives: edward

Reasons I need a boyfriend

There’s a Twilight greeting card on my fridge. In my defense, I didn’t buy it. My friend sent it to me.

I spend way too much time on Twitter.

My sleepwear choices are embarrassing, even to me.

When I’m home alone, I burp loudly and often. It’s probably all of the food I have delivered.

Some Liz Lemon storylines on 30 Rock remind me of myself. Truth be told, lots of them do.

What’s your most embarrassing habit when you’re flying solo?

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My mom is reading Fifty Shades of Grey

I had hoped to avoid this situation, but it happened – on Mother’s Day no less: my mother announced that she is reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

My family and I have been going to Pellegrino’s for approximately seventeen years. They know my drink order. Good thing, for I would soon really need a drink.

Sometime during our consumption of the massive antipasto, my mother announced “I’m reading Fifty Shades of Grey!” Continue reading

Fifty Shades of intense publicity

Have you read it? I have. Two parts of three anyway.

It’s wild that Fifty Shades of Grey, which has floated around Twilight Fan Fiction circles for years, is suddenly “news” being covered by the New York Times and lighting up Twitter among a new wave of readers. Some articles (like NYT) have neglected to mention the Twilight tie; others like Entertainment Weekly have gotten the details right.

I first became aware of fan fiction in 1995 in the wake of My So-Called Life’s cancelation after one perfect season. I was late to the MSCL party and was so sad to see the story just…end. Other people were too, apparently, as they chose to write their own endings. Even now, seventeen (!!) years later, people are still writing “FF,” as it’s known, for MSCL.

At the time, I was a senior in college and impressed with the creativity (if not always the writing abilities) of those writers who chose to find ways of keeping the characters they loved alive. But I was job hunting and about to New York City post-graduation so I never tried my hand at FF, and didn’t give it another thought until I became aware of Twilight FF thanks to Twitter.

After reading a few stories – some with good plots, most with little editing – I didn’t spend much time reading FF. I still don’t. But as Master of the Universe exploded onto the scene in the form of Fifty Shades, I found that I couldn’t resist joining the conversation.

Originally known as Master of the Universe or #MOTU and featuring Twilight characters Edward and Bella in an Alternate Universe (“AU”), this story was very popular: lengthy, risque and for some, addictive. For me? Not so much. I read a little and quit.

Fifty Shades wasn’t the first Twilight FF to crossover into the mainstream publishing world. Emancipation Proclamation by J.M. Darhower, which re-imagines Bella as a slave sold into the Cullen household, was recently published as Sempre.

Have you read Fifty Shades or Sempre? If not, are you thinking about it?

 

A warning: if you think the Twilight books are intolerable due to poor writing and insufficient editing, you will find Fifty Shades to be much, much worse. Repetitive in both theme and word choice. Unrealistic in so very many ways. Britishisms in a story set in the U.S. with American characters. Etc. Etc.

If you are a prude, or unable to get beyond the shackles (ahem) of what you consider to be normal, steer clear.

But if you want to get in on the conversation – and perhaps learn a trick or two to surprise a special friend – by all means proceed, and let me know what you think.

Twilight products are lame (pretty much)

Any adult fan of the Twilight Saga will tell you: there are few things worth buying. The swag is Not Good. We have money to spend but aren’t interested in leaving the house with Edward’s face (as handsome as Rob surely is!) splashed across our chests. This necklace gets filed under I Would Never.

Actually, I kind of like this shirt. Get it?

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“I have become a total Kristen Stewart partisan. Like, I support her.”

This post on The Awl about Breaking Dawn had me cracking up when I wasn’t nodding in agreement. A few of my favorite lines:

Mary: It was a super elegant dress. The lace panel in the back with hundreds of covered satin buttons.

Natasha: The lace panel almost down to her flat ass killed me! I want a back that long : (

Mary: It was coccyx cleavage.

Continue reading