Twilight products are lame (pretty much)

Any adult fan of the Twilight Saga will tell you: there are few things worth buying. The swag is Not Good. We have money to spend but aren’t interested in leaving the house with Edward’s face (as handsome as Rob surely is!) splashed across our chests. This necklace gets filed under I Would Never.

Actually, I kind of like this shirt. Get it?

Summit couldn’t even get the Breaking Dawn calendar right which is nuts given how fantastic the cast looks, for the most part, in the film. The beautiful Kristen Stewart looks like June Carter Cash.

Other entertainment properties have fun with licensed products. See The Office and its Dundee plus anything related to the notion of Schrute Farms. Harry Potter has everything a fan could dream of. In the right hands, a licensing program expands upon the dream world created by films. In the wrong hands, you end up with a mess of crummy swag that appeals to a sliver of a fan base.

It comes as no surprise to me that one of the better Twilight products was fan generated:

It’s an in joke. Subtle. No “Waiting for my Edward” and no “Bite me.”

Given the number of people who have camped out for each premiere, how is there not a line of affiliated products like tents, sleeping bags and air mattresses? This blanket of memories is cute (and also based on a fan idea) but how about a replica of the t-shirt quilt Renee gave Bella in Eclipse?

Someone could have a lot of fun with Twilight’s licensing program (and it’s not too late!). It’s a shame someone clearly is not.

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