I had hoped to avoid this situation, but it happened – on Mother’s Day no less: my mother announced that she is reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

My family and I have been going to Pellegrino’s for approximately seventeen years. They know my drink order. Good thing, for I would soon really need a drink.

Sometime during our consumption of the massive antipasto, my mother announced “I’m reading Fifty Shades of Grey!”

I wish there were video of the smile sliding off my face. My dad immediately got disgusted, telling my mother’s best friend’s husband “I hear it’s filth! States are banning it!”

“Libraries in some states, Dad,” I said, “not entire states.”

And then I think I dove under the table, pretending to look for a lost napkin.

Clearly Dad will not be reading Fifty when Mom is done.

My cute parents on Mother’s Day. Dad didn’t buy the fedora.

Fortunately Mom was only a few chapters in – Anastasia-Bella had just met Christian-Edward. It’s clear, though, that I will need to avoid seeing my parents for Father’s Day. I cannot discuss Fifty with my mother EVER.