So you’re having a baby – a guest post by @CandaceArm

Remember my awesome friend Candace? Previously she wrote about applying to graduate school (and I wrote about her visit to NYC here).



So you’re having a baby!

Mazel tov on your growing family. I am so excited for you and can’t wait to tell that baby about all the horrific things you did in your youth (because I will).

Surely by now tons of people have told you how your life will change, mostly for the better. But did they tell you how your relationships with the people closest to you will change?

That stick you just peed on gave you a big ol plus sign and your priorities immediately shifted. Instead of using your fingers and toes to count the number of drinks you had last night (8 including that shot you definitely didn’t need), you’re wondering how many fingers and toes that person inside of you currently has.

Please know that most of your child-free (I hate the word ‘childless’) friends accept that things are different now. And that’s okay!

Let’s review:

We will talk less. This seems obvious, but let’s just put it out there. And when we do talk, we will talk a lot about your new baby. And if you’re like my awesome momma friends, you will still ask about my life and welcome non-baby talk.

When that little bébé comes into the world, we will flock to you to shower you and that new chubby bundle of joy with tons of love and affection. It will be hard, but try your damnedest not to apologize to your friends for your new life. It makes me feel horrible, like you think it needs to be a rager for me to have a good time. Did you think I expected a keg next to the crib? I knew what I was getting myself into.

And I’m absolutely thrilled to be there.

Chances of us traveling together anytime soon (well, unless I eventually have children) are small.

Remember those shifted priorities? Yeah, those. A weekend in AC probably ain’t happening. But it’s kinda awkward when you bring it up, even though we both know it’s a pipe dream. So try to only mention it if you REALLY want that Ladies Weekend — and if that’s the case, I’ll book my travel and hotel before you can say ‘poolside mimosas.’

The faster we accept these changes, the faster we can move into the new stage of our relationship, which will STILL be great, just a little different. And none of this is to say things won’t change in a few years – by the time that kid hits 5, you might be begging for a girls’ trip. But by then I might have a baby of my own and you may have to settle for sending me this blog post instead.

This is a dialogue, so baby-havers, tell me what you want us baby-free folks to know!

And baby-free folks, what did I miss?

2 thoughts on “So you’re having a baby – a guest post by @CandaceArm

  1. Anastasia_NYC

    I think it’s reassuring that, as a child free friend, you understand that the new family member dictates much of what we do and think about. Having a “family” (not just a Sig Other or spouse) is a strange adjustment for everyone involved and you sometimes just need to say stuff out loud to get the reactions of others (the unspoken under tone being, “Does this sound normal to you???? Am I doing this right??? Please validate me!!!”). But maybe there should be more kegs next to cribs…a new decor choice I will be considering for when you come to visit 🙂

  2. Jun Song (@JunDishes)

    Now that I’ve been on both sides all I can say is the friends that stay friends are forever anyway despite feeling like you’re on different planets most of the time. After two-and-a-half years with my son, so far I’ll take sleep over a girls’ weekend but we’ll see in a few years. Fun read for sure. 🙂


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