It was late at night and I was lying in the black lacquer bed (like this, but the headboard is round. Seriously.) I picked out when I was twelve or thirteen. I didn’t open Tinder looking for love. Nay, I figured that Tinderers of Scranton would provide fine fodder for Why Did You Put That on Tinder??
Yeah, I’m cruel like that.
Instead, after five or six swipes left, I was faced with something terrible: a man with whom I shared 73 Facebook friends. Yep, someone from my high school.
Naturally this wasn’t a recently-divorced, still-hot former football star valedictorian. No. This was a dude with a mustache who used to skip classes to smoke outside the gym. That guy.
[Another friend who shall remain nameless was given her brother as a match. Ew. Ew! No!]
Learn from my mistake: hide yourself on Tinder before going to your hometown. Change your Discovery Preferences. Just do it. Do it now.