You know how US Weekly does a feature called “What’s in Your Bag?” where celebrities show all of the odds and ends floating around their designer bags?

This is something like that except not at all like that. Because the bag in question is the bag I’m taking to the hospital. For starters, it’s a beat-up, well-traveled half-suitcase (it looks like this).

Instead of Nia Long‘s Dior mascara, I will be packing six or seven of my most modest pairs of underpants to deal with never-closed hospital gowns.

Ashley Tisdale keeps La Mer moisturizer in her bag–how nice for her!

My nod to glamour will be a couple of Power Glow Peel wipes because during my recent hospital stay, my face suffered from neglect.

 

I felt like a greaseball and my hair was very Nicky Nichols.

 

I’m also taking a travel sized basic moisturizer (picture my mother slapping it on me while I sleep because that will happen), toothbrush, toothpaste, dental floss and deodorant so forgive me for feeling a bit smug. Ashley didn’t have any of that in her bag.

EJ Johnson and I have something in common: we love Jo Malone (fave 1 and fave 2). I will actually be taking some Jo Malone blackberry & bay with me. What I do, though, is put a smidge of it in a travel size bottles and top it off with unscented Curel. This way, it makes the fragrance a little less intense (my preference) while also stretching out a splurge.

Stevie Nicks and I don’t have much in bag-common. But that’s OK. Stevie is still awesome. She likes her ancient Nokia.

I, on the other hand, will be taking a trusty ol’ extension cord with me so that I don’t have to have my phone far away from my hospital bed while it charges. The idea of being that patient who rings the nurse solely to have him/her retrieve my phone? No.

But the location of outlets in my hospital aren’t ideal, I learned. Time to be resourceful.

Bottom line, I don’t think I’m going to have any magazine ask me what’s in my bag. All I can hope for is to see a bit of myself reflected in Stars: They’re Just Like Us.