“Nope, but it doesn’t feel that way,” I responded, smiling.
In the past, I have posted about the highs and lows of the prior year. But in 2015, I experienced some of the lowest lows of my life. You lovely friends have been so supportive. Why would I make you relive all of that heartache?
So in lieu of a review of my 2015, here’s a little peek into how I spent New Year’s Eve.
I arrived a little early to check out the set-up and find our table. As usual, Bowery Collective did a wonderful job.
At this point, I’m aiming to remember not the pain of 2015, but instead the fact that when I leaned on my friends, they were present for me. I’m grateful for that.
On to 2016.
“I’m so sorry to disturb you,” I said to the woman next to me.
“It’s ok. I wasn’t sleeping, I was just dreaming,” she replied as I stood to slip past her on the Philadelphia-bound train to visit Dad in the hospital.
I smiled. Across the aisle*, her elderly husband was full-on asleep, arms crossed and head bowed. He was older than his wife who had taken the lead in finding seats and then in ensuring his comfort.
Looking at them as a couple, I thought of my mother, fit and strong and ten years younger than my father. Growing up, I never thought of their age difference as a big deal. Now, Dad’s age and health conditions are yielding a lot of heartache.
I’m trying not to equate love with pain and loss. But right now, it’s so very hard. Someday everyone I love will be gone. I too will leave this earth someday. And because I don’t have the crutch of believing in heaven, these feelings are a heavy burden.
Dad’s condition is stable now, but eight days into this hospital stay, we have no sense of when he might be ready to go home. No independence for Dad this July 4th.
I usually spend Independence Day with a family group in Rehoboth Beach. This year, there was an issue with the house we stay at so even if Dad were healthy, we were not going to be able to spend the holiday there together as is our tradition. Continue reading
So you’re having a baby!
Mazel tov on your growing family. I am so excited for you and can’t wait to tell that baby about all the horrific things you did in your youth (because I will). Continue reading
“What time is your flight?” Carolyn asked me
“10:45. But…I have to check a bag”
“I know. I don’t usually check a bag but this time…I…I just grabbed the wrong suitcase. I have four of them.”
I fiddled with my wine glass and then continued.
“Recently my trips have been short ones so i have been talking my half-size wheelie bag.”
“My suitcases are usually stored like nesting dolls. I grabbed the wrong bag and it was too big to carry on. I didn’t realize until I got to security at LGA and they sent me back to Ticketing.”
My friends nodded, but unconvincingly. At this point that I realized the extent of my friends’ disapproval. I may be shunned.
My fall from travel grace is complete.
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