Tag Archives: humor

Summer of Suck 2.0 – Part Eight: Why am I like this?

It starts at Reception.

There I am, trying to ingratiate myself to a woman named Lavinia.  I am late for what I think is my pre op-physical appointment (but subsequently realize is pre-admission which is Not The Same). I am late because instead of going to the Ambulatory Care building for my 9 am appointment, I went to the main hospital approximately six city blocks away.

And I didn’t just go to the wrong building. No. Before I realized my error, I took a guess at which NYU color pathway to follow to which tower to the north-not-south elevators and went to the 4th floor. It was there that I finally thought to look at the calendar on my phone where I had conveniently noted the location of my appointment. Which was at the Ambulatory Care building, not the hospital.

I walked the six or so blocks to the right building, sweating in the heat and humidity as I hustled past morning midtown traffic and the busy entrance to the Queens-Midtown tunnel. Honking cars, whistling traffic cops and damp ol’ me. I searched my phone while I walked, trying to find the right phone number to call to apologize for my lateness and stupidity but my call log is full of various unsaved NYU Langone phone numbers..

When I arrived, twenty minutes after my appointment time, Lavinia smiled anyway which I took as encouragement to become a giant, ingratiating suck-up and try to make her laugh with my terrible adrenal mass gallows humor. I tell Lavinia that my surgeon has promised me six-pack abs once the mass is out so I’m not at all concerned about my surgery.

Soon Lavinia, who giggled at my efforts, has passed me along to her colleague to make my copay. I joke about never knowing if it will be $25 or $45, and ask her to rig things for the lesser amount given that my Flexible Spending Account dollars are a distant memory. I tell her how my recent hospital stay, after I was bitten by a scared kitten, produced a statement totaling $31k. My goal for the day was no five-figure hospital statements.

Baby cat 20160818_120116

Not the biter

“I was hospitalized FOR A FINGER!” I exclaimed in horror and embarrassment, and soon this woman whose name I didn’t catch is laughing hard and bringing her cat-loving colleague into our conversation to ooh and ahhhh over the kittens pictured in my phone who did not bite me in a way that led to my hospitalization. Continue reading

The amazing Hello Flo video

Not my photo

The video below? Watch it right now. Laugh with me.

My jaw dropped. I smiled. I giggled. I cringed remembering the awkward in-school assembly for girls only.

But then I resumed laughing and pressed Replay.

Five things to enjoy this Friday

1. This Jimmy Kimmel Live video of celebrities reading mean tweets about themselves. I can’t tell you why this makes me laugh even after repeated viewings. It just does.

2. This pic of my friend’s toddler eating brownies.

3. This quiz about Tim Riggins. Because Tim Riggins.

4. This movie. Yes, Enough Said is poignant given James Gandolfini’s sudden death, but Julia Louis-Dreyfus is amazing and fun.

5. This Aaron Paul video Breaking Boise. I love seeing him have fun with his Breaking Bad fame.

“My new cell phone has text paging”

Excerpt from the end of an email I sent to three of my college friends on February 5, 1999:

My new cell phone has text paging.

If, for some reason, you ever find yourself needing to reach me so desperately (ha, ha!), you can send messages to me at http://www.attws.com/general/msg_center/index.html.

I think I’m a little too connected!

Love,

Jennifer

Had I been able to look into the future to see Twitter, my little mind would have been blown.

What’s your favorite tweet that went largely unnoticed?

It’s hard to guess what makes people react to your tweets. What makes them mark it as a favorite or retweet or reply “that’s funny.”

For example, I thought this was amusing.

Bach tweet 2

But some of you liked this one a lot better.

bach tweet

I still don’t get it. But I’m glad you tolerate me, particularly on Bachelorette nights.