Tag Archives: jokes

Summer of Suck 2.0 – Part Eight: Why am I like this?

It starts at Reception.

There I am, trying to ingratiate myself to a woman named Lavinia.  I am late for what I think is my pre op-physical appointment (but subsequently realize is pre-admission which is Not The Same). I am late because instead of going to the Ambulatory Care building for my 9 am appointment, I went to the main hospital approximately six city blocks away.

And I didn’t just go to the wrong building. No. Before I realized my error, I took a guess at which NYU color pathway to follow to which tower to the north-not-south elevators and went to the 4th floor. It was there that I finally thought to look at the calendar on my phone where I had conveniently noted the location of my appointment. Which was at the Ambulatory Care building, not the hospital.

I walked the six or so blocks to the right building, sweating in the heat and humidity as I hustled past morning midtown traffic and the busy entrance to the Queens-Midtown tunnel. Honking cars, whistling traffic cops and damp ol’ me. I searched my phone while I walked, trying to find the right phone number to call to apologize for my lateness and stupidity but my call log is full of various unsaved NYU Langone phone numbers..

When I arrived, twenty minutes after my appointment time, Lavinia smiled anyway which I took as encouragement to become a giant, ingratiating suck-up and try to make her laugh with my terrible adrenal mass gallows humor. I tell Lavinia that my surgeon has promised me six-pack abs once the mass is out so I’m not at all concerned about my surgery.

Soon Lavinia, who giggled at my efforts, has passed me along to her colleague to make my copay. I joke about never knowing if it will be $25 or $45, and ask her to rig things for the lesser amount given that my Flexible Spending Account dollars are a distant memory. I tell her how my recent hospital stay, after I was bitten by a scared kitten, produced a statement totaling $31k. My goal for the day was no five-figure hospital statements.

Baby cat 20160818_120116

Not the biter

“I was hospitalized FOR A FINGER!” I exclaimed in horror and embarrassment, and soon this woman whose name I didn’t catch is laughing hard and bringing her cat-loving colleague into our conversation to ooh and ahhhh over the kittens pictured in my phone who did not bite me in a way that led to my hospitalization. Continue reading

Mission Accomplished: Attend a Saturday Night Live taping

I’m always excited when I get to cross something off my NYC To Do List. This time it was Item #4: Attend a Saturday Night Live taping.

SNL

Even better, I got to attend SNL dress rehearsal for season 39’s premiere hosted by my idol, Tina Fey. The musical guest, Arcade Fire, added to my excitement.

If you are curious about the experience, keep reading. Continue reading

NYC real estate in a nutshell

While doing some comparison shopping, I came across this bit of hilarity.

Pauper.jpg

How many paupers do you know that can spend close to $3000 on monthly rent?

Pauper 2.jpg

A real pauper would instead consider this room in Nolita which is gently priced at $395 per month. Of course, it’s also disgusting.

Gross apartment

Now you see how I keep coming back to the I’m Staying Put conclusion.