Tag Archives: love

Dating While Old

Dating while old is pretty terrible. When it happens at all!

Recently I met a man on a flight back from LA* and it was notable enough that I tweeted about it.

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Meeting new people and having the interest be mutual doesn’t happen for me as much as it used to.

If you met me when I was in my twenties, I probably would have tried to tell you dating was terrible then too. Fresh out of college and living in NYC, I seemed to meet guys who were either too serious OR the precursor to this. I craved something in between the dude who just wanted to hook up and the man who planned overly formal dinner dates that felt like something real grown-ups (i.e., not me) did. Given my relative immaturity, I was weirdly more comfortable making out in the corner of dark bars than straining to make conversation over dinner at Provence.

In retrospect, I don’t know how I managed to cram so many crushes, love interests, boyfriends and friends with benefits into the six years I dwelled in NYC the first time. I must have been exhausted.

In my thirties, between a long relationship, career stress and living in DC, there was a dramatic drop-off in dating opportunities. Why didn’t anyone warn me this would happen?! I probably would have ignore anyone who tried, and I was too dumb to come to that conclusion on my own. So if you’re young and no one has warned you, let this serve as my personal PSA to you.

Now, I recognize that I’m not OLD-old. But I’m also not really young, either. The only people who say “you’re still young!” to me are over seventy and/or have serious vision issues.

And the reality of not being young anymore is that a lot of those fun, carefree things have largely evaporated. I have fewer crushes and opportunities to feel excited about love interests. And that’s a big bummer.

One thing about Dating While Old that’s good is that you’re able to spot warning signs early–and ideally you’re mature enough to act accordingly. One of my recent crushes – gainfully employed, handsome, fun in an up-for-anything kind of way – revealed himself to be a guy who habitually talks over other people and is a terrible listener. He’s also a Bernie Bro.

A truly welcome aspect of Dating While Old is the fact that I can look at a guy, realize he’s wrong for me in some important way and walk away with minimal angst. After all, my life is great with or without a date. Thank goodness for loyal girlfriends and satisfying careers and less money concerns.

 

BTW, if you are a Smug Married tempted to ask “but what about the apps? Don’t they produce many more dating opportunities?” please read this New York Times piece by Taffy Brodesser-Akner immediately. 🍆🍆

 

*As always, it’s complicated. I’ll update you if it’s worth telling the story.

 

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We almost lost him. Someday we will.

For the first time, I understood.

Instead of thinking “Daddy, please don’t die. Don’t leave me,” I just wanted him not to suffer. The selfishness of a daughter evaporated.

The doctors had Dad sitting perfectly upright, a mask covering his entire face and forcing air into his lungs. He was sedated, given morphine for pain. When I spoke to him and stroked his hand, Dad  opened his eyes and tried to reassure me.

“Rest, Dad. You need to rest. Don’t worry about me.”

And then I went out into the hospital corridor, nearly biting through my bottom lip as I tried to stifle my sobs.

With Dad during carefree times

With Dad during carefree times

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Gratitude for the ones who got away

Incredibly embarrassing update below

Dan* and I met through my work-study job in college. My commitment to ten hours of weekly clerical work in the Registrar’s Office was the subject of much mirth among the full-timers and more reliable student works.

It was a 50/50 proposition if I would actually show up for my designated hours, they joked. “But I always call!” I would counter. Whether it was due to classwork, hangovers, my need for a nap or simply something more interesting arising, I called in with a lot of excuses.

For whatever reason, they tolerated me.

Dan appeared on one of the days late in my freshman year when I happened to show up. His mother was one of the bosses and when visiting from his own university, he would come to the office to help out. Dan was a volleyball-playing, ROTC-committed stud of a man. When he smiled, his eyes reminded me of Patrick Swayze (!). Tall and fit, solid, sturdy and friendly, I was immediately drawn to him.

Suck it Dan Continue reading

40 Days of Dating

I heard about 40 Days of Dating via Mashable so I realize it’s entirely possible you did too.

Just in case you did not, please click here. The concept is straightforward – two friends commit to dating for forty days, the length of time it’s thought to break a bad habit. It’s the execution that’s unique.

Both participants, Tim and Jessica, are design professionals and the web site on which the forty day process is recounted reflects that. It’s gorgeous.

While the forty days of dating happened in the spring, the recaps are just rolling out now. You can easily catch up in a day or two of binge reading and watching. Day 40 is August 16.

There are rules, of course. Even the rules are attractively presented!

Via 40daysofdating.com

Via 40daysofdating.com

 

I’m so curious to know how the forty days ended. Jessie and Tim don’t seem to be all that compatible but for some reason I find myself rooting for their dates to go beyond the experiment.

Incidentally, while reading Day 25’s post, I realized that Jessica Walsh is the Walsh of Sagmeister & Walsh. Yep, the company that goes nude in its marketing and promotional materials.

It’s that connection that made me wonder: is 40 Days of Dating real? What do you think?

Related post:

  • Going naked for professional reasons

I’m ruminating. Should I be?

I heard from my ex boyfriend today via email. It was a random aside about one of our friends.

He didn’t, however, acknowledge my birthday five days ago. We were together for, like, four years. He knew it was my birthday.

I’m stewing about it (a little).